Caught in a Dream

Blogg-"er"

2006-07-30T15:10:00.000-05:00

So here's the deal. It seems I'm really at a loss for words these days. It's now been almost a month since I last blogged. Not sure why, but I just haven't been inspired. Maybe when we get word on the house, or when I finally have some new material for my book*, I'll feel more up for it. For now, I just await my inspiration.

*For any of you that have been reading me for quite some time, you may remember that about a year or a year and a half ago, my computer crashed- taking with it several chapters of a book I was writing. Recently while cleaning up and packing, I found some pieces of it, including the table of contents and the introduction. So all is not lost and I maybe writing again soon!

Today's Top 10

2006-07-02T16:45:00.000-05:00

Ever seen the movie Like Water for Chocolate? I absolutely love that movie. While I was standing in the kitchen today, baking a cake for absoutely no reason other than I wanted to, I thought of that movie. Obviously my life is nothing like that movie, but just the therapeutic value of cooking for me made me think of it.

Anyway as I was saying, I decided to bake a cake today. Not the add eggs and oil kind of cake (as if!), but a real from-scratch, mix all the ingredients yourself cake. My son walks in the kitchen and says, "Why are you cooking dinner so early, Mommy?" To which I replied, "I'm not making dinner; I'm making a cake." Of course his next question was why? and my answer was just because. I continued to measure and mix ingredients with my son who insisted he "wash up and come and help." It seems more and more that I really find enjoyment, comfort, and satisfaction from baking and cooking. I really always have, but it's becoming more and more obvious to me. Lately, I don't even care about eating it, just making it. I think I'm starting to figure out why...

First. It's just plain fun in my opinion. Trying new recipes, changing recipes and making your own creations. Seeing if you can re-create something that you've had and loved in a restaurant. I can't help it- food is fun!

Second. Who doesn't like eating. Nuff said.

Third. I really like gifting food to other people. Nothing hits a heart warmer than something from your kitchen that you made from scratch. It's extremely personal.

Fourth. I think there's something to be said for the whole "project" aspect of cooking. You start with a whole bunch of supplies, you work through a project, and at the end (hopefully) you have a beautiful product.

Fifth. Ego. I love to hear people tell me how good my food is! I can't help it. I'm shameless. Nothing sounds better to me than, "Mommy, this is the best _____ I've ever had!" or "Honey, this is one for the regular rotation." Which is what my husband says when I try a new recipe he really, really likes! Last few things he said that to were Chicken with Balsamic Glaze, Herbed Chicken Parmesean, and Sugared Sirloin (not original recipes...but done with my own flair).

Sixth. I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I don't know what we're going to eat for dinner, I jump in the kitchen and dig around, and using what we have in the house, come up with a dinner just as yummy as a planned one.

Seventh. It gives me fun and bonding time with my son who loves to help in the kitchen. He's become quite creative too! He made his own original recipe last week that he called Dessert Pizza. It was a baked pizza crust with chocolate, coconut, and sprinkles on it!

Eighth. It reminds me of my childhood and people in my life that are very meaningful to me...my mom and my grandma. My grandma taught me a lot of the cooking that I know now- particulary some of the classic recipes. She definitely taught me to express my love for people with good eats (as Alton Brown would call them). My mom always had dinner on the table when we were kids. Until my parents got divorced, we all sat at the table and ate dinner together every night. She too has taught me about the power of sharing through food. Now, in recent years, my sister and I have come to enjoy cooking together as well- even if we don't get to do it often, mostly holidays.

Ninth. Sports and food go great together. Sometimes chips and dip just don't do it. It's much more fun to cook up layered nachos or BBQ. One of my life mottos: Nothing goes together like Food, Family, and Football!

Tenth. I can cook alone or with others. I have to admit it though, I'd rather be alone when I'm in the kitchen. I like the freedom to move, to create, to be silent, and to do things on my own. This is when I find cooking to be particulary therapeutic...when I'm cooking by myself.

Cake's ready...gotta go!

Welcome Home NWG!

2006-06-28T20:35:00.000-05:00

This is the day my lucky ass sister is returning to the states from what I'm sure has been an amazing trip to Hong Kong! I can't wait to hear all about it and see the pictures!

You know, it's funny. I know sometimes my sister thinks I'm lucky, having met my soulmate in high school thereby getting to skip the whole dating scene, getting married and having an amaaaaaaazing kid. But let me just tell you how lucky you are NWG! Imagine the cost of your trip times three. I'm so happy for you and a bit jealous that you've had this amazing experience, as well as other travelling adventures. You know how people always say travel now cuz once you get married and have kids...? Well, I always thought that was nonsense. My husband and I love to travel and we have a great kid who is easily and agreeably portable. But the reason people say that is the cost!

Anything you want to do is times three. Three airfares, three sets of three meals a day, three tickets to anything you want to do, etc. Who can afford to do all of that? Hopefully down the line, when the savings that is now being spent on the house, has begun to build back up, we'll be able to take Punky on some fantastic voyages. For now...we're a road trippin' kinda family!

Anyway, welcome home NWG...you lucky duck!

The Final Countdown...

2006-06-18T21:03:00.000-05:00

Looks like we'll not only be in the new house for Labor Day, but quite possibly before Punky starts school! The realtor emailed us today that it looks like the house will be ready in less than 30 days. I can hardly wait...we're going out to see it this weekend. I'll post pictures then.

Back to Reality

2006-06-10T13:40:00.000-05:00

Ho hum...after two nice leisurely weeks among the unemployed, it's back to work Monday. As excited as I am for my new job and all the new experiences that come with it, I'm not too excited about getting back to the schedule. I left my last job because it was consuming me (much like that flesh-eating disease that surfaced a few years back). I'm hoping that this one will be different. The only draw back is that I'm going to have an hour and half commute until I move in August, and even still, I'll be lucky to have under an hour after the move. At the time I accepted the job, it seemed a sacrafice I was willing to make. Afterall, the environment and the responsibilities of the job seem to be exactly what I'm looking for. But truth be told: I'd like to get pregnant again sometime within the next year, work until I have the baby, and then maybe quit. My thought being that my husband's business will hopefully be lucrative enough that I can work for myself-on my own schedule, and be a mom. I was lucky enough to be able to stay home for a year when Punky was born. Next time I'd like to do the same and maybe get started on something on my own. Right now though, we're too dependent on the stability of my salary and benefits. But who knows? A year from now this may not be the case. Here's to hoping!

A cookie lookie for "Cookie Lookie"

2006-06-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

Sometimes kids are more courageous- and a lot less lazy- than adults. I love to cook. Those that know me or have read my past blogs know this. I particularly love baking and confections. But last week when my son insisted we make chocolate covered marshmallow cookies, I sighed at the thought of how involved a process it would be. But he nagged and whined, and it's summer; so quite frankly it worked. Everything you see below was done from scratch. We even made our own marshmallow (a culinary first for me)! They taste a lot like pinwheels or mallomars you would buy in the store. I'm glad Punky was so insistant, because we learned new technique, tested our patience (they took 2 days to make), and had a blast playing in the kitchen together. Not to mention, they were worth it. Just ask my Dad!

My sister was really jealous that Dad got to taste them, so I figured I'd really upset her and show her what she missed!

Here's a close up...it's a little blurry but you get the idea.

The Principal Has Left the Building

2006-05-29T08:52:00.000-05:00

For the first time in a year and a half, I will wake tomorrow and not go to school! No, not because school's out for summer (even though it is), but because as many of you know I resigned from my job. I promised to stay until the end of the school year, and I did. But now it's over. It's a strange feeling. I still find myslef thinking about the school all of the time: calling a parent this week, the weekly reports that have to be done, will they take care of this will they take care of that if I'm not there. I still feel like it's my responsibility. But it's not. This total consumption is one of the reasons I decided to leave in the first place.

So while I have secured a new job, my start date has not been finalized yet. So right now, I try to teach myself to enjoy time off. It's not easy you know. I have a type A personality and I am very career oriented. But for a few weeks I'm going to focus on two things only...being a mom and finalizing everything with the house. It will be nice. Maybe that's more my fear- that I'll love being home so much that I'll never want to go back to work again! With Punky in school and a brain like mine (always spinning), I doubt it. Although if we had financial freedom, I could work where how and whenever I want. But that's a topic for another time...

For now, I'm going to work very hard to let go of the school and try to have faith that they will figure it all out without me. In the meantime, I'll enjoy being an at-home mom, even if it's only temporary.

There's No Place Like Home

2006-05-28T17:11:00.000-05:00

Welcome to our new home! The trailor pulled into the garage was the guy dropping off all of the cabinets and countertops...yippee!

This is looking out to the front of the property through the front door and great room window.

This is the kitchen. Below the hanging part of the ceiling there will be a breakfast bar/island. You'll be able to enter the kitchen from either side of the bar. Don't you just love all the pot shelves? You can see in the top left corner of the photo to the left of the doorway, there is a pot shelf there that goes the length of the wall, and it's the same on the opposite wall.

View from the backyard. The window on the left is to the master bedroom, the one under the roof is to the kitchen, and the one on the right is into Punky's bathroom.

The back porch. It will be screened in before all is done. The door is a "cabana" door that goes into Punky's bathroom.

This is the view to the front of the property from inside the garage...it fits two cars!

After our quarter acre, there's another quarter acre of easment. Behind the easement is this canal. It leads out to an area that leads into a river. Can't wait to go canoeing and fishing!

This is the side of the house taken from back by the canal above.

Same model, finished in a different neighborhood fairly close by. We got to go in and see the house finished...it was very exciting!

It's all very exciting, and the realtor thinks we're looking at only about 8 weeks until it's ready. That means we maybe able to close/move a little earlier than we expected. I can't wait. We checked out a lot of stuff in the area and it's only a 10-12 minute drive to the grocery store, and there's two of them: Sweet Bay and Publix, also a CVS and most of the other dire essentials. Can't wait to hang my hat and call it home!

Feelin Like A Big Time Loser

2006-05-24T20:17:00.000-05:00

After posting the last meme that my sister threw out to anyone and I pathetically accepted, I read down more and noticed she tagged me specifically with another one! Shit! Here it goes:

5 Things

5 Items in My Fridge
1. lemonade
2. vanilla creamer
3. eggs
4. rice & beans
5. lots of veggies

5 Items in My Closet
(I could take the easy route and say multiples of 5 pairs of shoes!)
1. Four freshly dry cleaned suits
2. Fluffy flip flops
3. 2 tie belts
4. a new jean jacket
5. jeans I rarely get to wear

5 Items in My Car
1. Satellite Radio Receiver
2. Cell Phone Charger
3. CD Case
4. Work Keys
5. Anti-bacterial Wipes

5 Items in My Purse
1. Check book
2. Wallet
3. Lip Gloss
4. Hair Clip
5. Appt. Card for the Dentist

5 People Who Are Now Tagged
Sad state of affairs. Other than Becky, I don't know anyone else who blogs besides people who were already tagged by this meme already. But she's a math whiz...she'll fnd a way to turn 1 into 5!

Too Tired to Be Original

2006-05-24T19:39:00.000-05:00

I'm so exhausted and in need of a current post, that I have voluntarily accepted a tag from my sister (she hangs her head in shame):

10 Favorites
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Color: Blue in all shades, even bluish-purple
Favorite Time: Saturday Mornings
Favorite Food: Seafood, Japanese
Favorite Drink: Pina Colada
Favorite Ice Cream: Mint Chip
Favorite Place: it's strange, but I don't know
Favorite Sport: Football, college or NFL
Favorite Actor: Right now, Hugh Laurie
Favorite Actress: not sure

9 Currents
Current Feeling: full from dinner
Current Drink: Diet Coke
Current Time: 8:48 pm
Current Show on TV: none
Current Mobile Used: Nextel
Current Windows Open: none
Current Underwear: Mint Green Thong (as if you wanted to know, right?)
Current Clothes: Old Navy t-shirt and pajama bottoms
Current Thought: Should I really have done this? How lame!

8 Firsts
First Nick Name: Yauwie (my sis)
First Kiss: Brian S.
First Crush: Michael L.
First Best Friend: Jennifer S.
First Vehicle I Drove: Mom's Nissan Sentra circa 1986
First Job: Mother's Helper for Travis
First Date: Michael L.
First Pet: Ralphie the Yorkie

7 Lasts
Last Drink: Diet Coke
Last Kiss: Punky's goodnight kiss, 15 minutes ago
Last Meal: Chicken Wings and Waffle Fries...thus the full feeling
Last Website Visited: www.newwavegurly.blogspot.com
Last Movie Watched: Stick It
Last Phone Call: friend, Jen
Last TV Show Watched: House (last night)

6 Have You Ever...
Have you ever broken the law: yes
Have you ever been drunk: yes
Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know: no
Have you ever been in the middle of/close to gunfire: no
Have you ever skinnydipped: yes!
Have you ever broken anyone's heart: yes

5 Things
Things You Can Hear Right Now: fan on my laptop
Things On Your Bed: Lots of pillows and probably my dog
Things You Ate Today: Lots of junk...shhh don't tell
Things You Do When You're Bored: Read magazines and blogs
Things you won't eat: Liver, Tuna fish

4 Places You Have Been Today
Work/School
Dry Cleaners
Sports Bar
Ahhhhhhh....Home

3 Things on Your Desk Right Now
Vanilla Candle
Cell Phone
Punky's Art Work

2 Choices
Salt or Pepper: Salt
Hot or Cold: Cold

1 Place You Want to Visit
Spain
Hey Becky...if you're reading, tag you're it! Oh header...you too!

Walking, No... Living on a Country Road

2006-05-21T11:39:00.000-05:00

Take to the highway won't you lend me your name
Your way and my way seem to be one and the same

Mama don't understand it
She wants to know where I've been
I'd have to be some kind of natural born fool
To wanna pass that way again

But I could feel it
On the country road...

I guess my feet know where they want me to go
Walking on a country road

James Taylor

So it looks like we're gonna do it. After years of talking about a slower, simpler lifestyle, my husband and I are going to buy a house and move an hour and half away to a more rural area. The house that we've put a bid on is one of two on the entire block. Actually, it's one of two that you can see from standing in our driveway. We're talking quiet. The land is not overly developed yet. There are more empty lots for sale than there are houses. In fact, the house we're buying isn't even finished being built yet.

Don't get me wrong, we're only about 20 minutes from the closest major city (even though it's not exactly what I would call a "major" city). But, it will be another 5-10 years before our city looks like the metropolis we're moving from. No one will really say it, but I think some of our friends and family think we're kinda nuts (my mom amongst them). It's funny what people become accustomed to. It feels country when you're standing in a yard and the sounds of nature are more prominent than the sounds of cars and commercial industry. But that's the point. We're looking forward to enjoying more time as a family, in a nice home, in a community where our son can ride his bike and play in the yard and street without traffic (at least for a few years). It's not a gated community like many others in Florida, it's just not heavily inhabited yet. We have a canal at the edge of our backyard that leads into a river that leads into the Gulf of Mexico...unlimited fishing and canoeing right from our backyard!

And for the first time since we've been married (a little more than 10 years), we're buying a house that we love. No one else in our family has seen it or intruded in our clean decision making. We've researched the area, gotten ourselves a wonderful experienced realtor, have a mortgage broker working numbers for us, and we can't wait! We were married fairly young, and for a long time we let our various family members influence a lot of decisions in our lives. But this time...it's different. We've really made a joint decision as a couple, one we feel really good about, and that neither one of us has had to compramise on... and man are we excited!

In a few months, we'll be kicking back on the porch barbecuing a feast and enjoying the sounds, scents, and view of Florida. The way it was meant to be. We're ready to truly enjoy each other's company raising our son, and who knows...maybe a new home will bring a new addition to the family. We'll have space now, so the possibilities are endless. Wow! I can't wait.

"We'll see" - "I suppose" - " Ask Daddy" :> An Early Mother's Day Tribute

2006-05-02T18:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, we've all done it. We've all sworn we'd never say the things our mothers do, and we've all said aloud, "Holy crap! I am my mom!" because we find ourselves saying those very same things we swore we never would. Well, I'm there. Here's my early tribute to my mom...

"We'll see." - Commonly used by my mom when she didn't want to make a decision right then and there about whatever was in question. Usually led to the eventual translation - No, I just didn't feel like listening to you whine at the time, so I saved the no for later.

"I suppose." - No fancy explanation for this one. It flat out means, yes with a little Jewish guilt. I'm giving permission, but count your blessings because I'm really not happy about it.

"Ask Daddy." - Although not used as much by me as it was by my mom, this one is nothing less than passing the buck. I don't feel like dealing with the consequences of the decision, so go ask your dad.

There you have it. My most commonly used momisms. Feel free to add your own. I know at the very least, my sister should have a few. Oh, and in case I forget...Happy Mother's Day for all to whom it applies!

Mwah ha ha...Dr. Dreadful has entered the lab...

2006-04-29T09:32:00.000-05:00

I don't know why I don't blog more about my son. He consumes so much of my life- my time, my attention, my love. I ooze pride of him all over everyone everywhere in conversation, but not so much here. Well, today I can't resist. You see, his alter-ego, Dr. Dreadful has entered the "Demented Drink Lab." My son, who is now 7-years-old, has developed a love for science over the years. He loves all aspects, nature, animals, bugs and plants, but mostly experiments and inventions. All year last year, he begged and pleaded that he had to have the Dr. Dreadful Lab. Well, as the only nephew, grandson, and great grandson on both sides of his family, the prince got his wish!

But let me just tell you, this "toy" set is fantastic! It comes with little project/experiment cards, all the test tubes, eye droppers and beakers, and packets of different powders that when combined with different liquids (water, milk), make all kinds of different reactions. Tangy eyeball bites for example, actually gel up and create a film-like membrane over a squishy glob of stuff. Oh yeah, all the experiments are edible. There's also a "Freaky Food Lab."

Anyway, now that I have done advertising for them, let's get back to my son. The first couple of times we used the lab, I sat with him and helped him. But what I realized, was that he didn't need me. I was the type-a mom who was trying to keep the mess controlled and the measurements just perfect. But last night, he wanted to "work in the lab," and I was busy with another task. I told him to get started and to ask for help if he needed it. Ha! He didn't need me. I heard him reading the project cards aloud; the ingredients, the directions...it is incredible. And I guess I get back to the free ad for the toy, because the skills and the activity involved just make it so worthwhile. He needs to read, to plan, to measure, to discover, to taste, to smell.

My son is really smart. I know every parent thinks that; they should. But mine has never been a typical kid. Although he was a late walker, he learned to talk and express himself at a really young age. People would ask me, "what are you doing with him? He has such an unbelieveable vocabulary." Ask anyone who knows us well, we didn't really do anything different than most people. I think the one thing that we did do, was talk to him like he could understand anything we said. After infancy, we never talked baby talk to him, we never used simpler words just because we thought he may not understand. We spoke as we normally would and allowed him to ask if he didn't know. We always answered (and still do) his questions, never dismissing him with "you'll understand when you're older." By the time he was three we were noticing that soon after he was exposed to a word that was new to him, he would try using it in context, usually correctly.

Anyway, he's back at it today. My kitchen table has been transformed into the freaky food and demented drink lab, and for this mom, there ain't nothing dreadful about it! Enter with caution: Future scientist at work.

A Piece of My Childhood

2006-04-15T17:06:00.000-05:00

Move over NWG...have I got some pop-culture chit chat for you today! I was straightening out my house this morning, and I uncovered a purchase I made last weekend. After a delicious dinner at PF Changs last Saturday, my husband and I decided to stroll a local mall that was down the road from the restaurant (Punky was with his Grammy). While walking around, we happened upon a store called Suncoast Video, maybe you're familiar with it. Well, if you're not, you won't be; it's closing. They were having a HUGE going-out-of business sale. Everything in there was at least 60-70% off. Now any of you that like this type of shopping -it takes patience and a love for the bargain- know that if you look through every single thing and in every little crevice, you're bound to find a treasure worth taking home. And boy did I ever! Among a few little good prices (For Punky, we got the original Superman movie on DVD, the soundtrack to Willy Wonka on CD, and the original Old Yeller on DVD with a bonus sequel DVD enclosed, all for like $15), and a lot of complete and utter junk, I found some of my childhood memories on DVD!

Let me remind you, there was no Nickelodean, no Cartoon Network, no Discovery Kids. The only thing we had amongst our seven channel dial (that's right dial...we didn't even have remotes yet, let alone Cable or Satellite) was PBS, and these little gems. That's right on Saturday mornings we had our cartoons and School House Rock which recently made a come back. But during the week, when we got home from school, before we were old enough to have any interest in General Hospital, we had the ABC After School Specials! I got my hands on 3 DVD sets of original After School Specials. Each set has four full length epsiodes. I got the 1976-77, the 1979-80, and the "Class of '81-82."

I can't wait to watch them! And wait til you hear who's in them! I've got one with Melissa Sue Anderson (the blind sister from Little House on the Prairie), one with Kristy McNichol, and two starring Rob Lowe! Others that appear include Dana Plato (Different Strokes), Dana Hill (Vacation)**, Amanda Wyss (Brad's Girlfriend in Fast Times at Ridgemont High) Jason Hervey (The Wonder Years), and Bonnie Bartlett (veteran actress). It should be such a kick!

After School Specials were those melo-dramatic TV movies- sometimes original, other times derived from a young reader's novel...but they all had a lesson or moral to deliver to the viewers. Granted, the times were different, kids were different, parents were different. But these were the days when the term "latch-key kid" came about, when kids were coming home to empty homes for the first time because dads and moms were out working when we got off the bus. To that I'd like to say... we turned out just fine. Yeah, it may have been nice for mom to have been home with milk and cookies, but my sister and I were just as happy with a bag of Doritos, a glass of Pepsi, and an ABC After School Special.

**In my search for images of each of these actors, I discovered that Dana Hill died in 1996 of diabetes induced coma. She was only 32-years-old. While I knew that Dana Plato had died a drug related death, I didn't know that Hill was no longer alive.

"She's Gone Country..."

2006-04-07T20:31:00.000-05:00

Oh no...I can hear/see it already. My sister is rolling her eyes and making that ucchh sound. Just the title of my entry is turning her off...isn't that right NWG? Not too far behind her would be one of my best friends Header. She's actually from Texas, but "she don't like to play my kinda music" either. But here's the deal. Over the past couple of years, I've really grown fond of [some] country music. Not the Garth Brooks, Faith Hill, Shania Twain country-gone-pop that's played on top 40 stations, but the real deal. Here it's 99.9 KISS Country, and there are a couple of satellite radio stations that play some good stuff too. Sometimes, I just get in the mood and I can't get enough. The title of this entry refers to a song by one of the country legends, Alan Jackson. He sings this song about a "simple girl" from Long Island and how she's "gone country." My husband always smiles and winks at me when hears this...then tips his head down to take a glance at my cowgirl boots!

Let me share some of my other favorites...maybe if you give the lyrics a read for what they say without the music, you'll see that not all the songs are about what the country naysayers say (losing your wife or your truck and drinking beer...although those do exist!) There are some extremely funny ones like Celebrity by Brad Paisley, Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy by Big & Rich, and My Kinda Music, by Ray Scott. Then there are the feel good tunes like Who Wouldn't Want to Be Me by Keith Urban, Young by Kenny Chesney, and Suds in the Bucket by Sara Evans. Of course there are plenty of songs about love too. Not the sappy make you wanna puke songs, but nice upbeat songs like Lonestar's You're Like Coming Home, Hot Mama by Trace Adkins, and I Like it I Love it by Tim McGraw. And of course you can't forget the classics by the likes of Johnny Cash and some of his old pals.

It just feels good. It gets my knee bouncing, and reminds me that life is way simpler than it often feels. Give it a try. I promise I won't tell.

I Got the Transitional Blues...

2006-03-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

So almost everyone at work knows now that I'm leaving. Most are really sad and have asked what they could do to change my mind. One teacher though, the resident bitch (most everyone at school thinks of her this way), says, "I was going to leave, but now I may not!" Effin bitch man. She hates me because I make her work hard, I question her reasoning, I call her to the carpet when she's been mean to a colleague. I make her a better teacher. Lot's of freakin' thanks I get...

Anyway, the whole thing is starting to get me down. The atmosphere has changed and there's gossip and secrecy. I hate that. I wanted to leave cleanly. I gave lots of notice and was pretty much upfront with my boss about why I was leaving and what my intentions were. Seems the professional route has gotten me the cold shoulder. My boss is in a "catch 22." On the one hand she's angry and hurt, and scrambling because, no doubt she perceives this as me giving her the royal screw. In her mind, I might has well have already left- she wants nothing to do with me. On the otherhand, she wants no contraversy. She wants kids to stay and families to re-enroll for next year, and teachers to sign contracts. She wants desperately for me to finish out the school year, which I told her I would unless a great opportunity came up that wouldn't wait. If I stay, it's business as usual until, "Oops you didn't know she wasn't coming back?"

Not to toot my own horn too loudly, but I made a lot of changes at my school- for the better. It's running better both financially and educationally. My big fear now is that I'll be trashed when I leave (by my boss). I'm so afraid that things will be twisted and that it will be made to look like I did something wrong, or I abandoned the school in an unprofessional manner. My reputation and my integrity are so important to me, I just cringe at how she will spin things. Anything bad that happens in the 6 months after I leave will be all my fault. I'll be the Clinton Administration of the Bush White House.

Oh well...I guess I'll just have to hold my head high and remind myself that this unhealthy culture is part of why I'm leaving in the first place. I gave that school and everyone in it, everything that I could. With that, it's time to move on.

Music On TV- Part II

2006-03-30T18:15:00.000-05:00

Oh my heavens...have you heard the new one for Kraft Cheese Crumbles?
A la EMF...It's "crumbelievable!"

Free Fallin'

2006-03-24T21:02:00.000-05:00

So I have a lot to catch up on; it's been awhile since I've had some time to sit and write. But I left a comment on my sister's blog that will create quite a stir with those who know me if I don't explain...

I've been miserable at my job lately. I love the kids and the school and I have mostly fantastic teachers working for me, but I really don't care for my boss (she's my district manager). I don't like working for her and I don't particularly care for the direction that the company that owns my school is going in. And there in itself lies half the problem: the school I work for is owned by a for-profit company. It's a business. The bottom line is the bottom line. It's all about how many are enrolled, what the revenue and ARs look like and whether we're "making plan." When we have meetings and trainings, they're not about the latest and greatest in education research or curriculum. They're about retention (teachers and students), being a passionate enroller (signing up more families), back-filling (enrolling a new student for everyone that graduates, moves, or changes schools), and controlling our controllables (spending less money). I'm sick of it! How can your primary focus be educating students when you're always concerned about the money? That is, making a profit?

Mind you, I knew I was going to have to do this when I took this job. But at that point I thought it bothered me because I'm not a business person, and how was I going to manage a budget and all of the financial aspects of "my business?" Truth is, I've done fine. By the second fiscal quarter that I took over the school, it was operating at a profit for the first time in several years. I've continued to increase the revenue and the enrollment, and the parents and teachers are happier with the school than they've ever been. So what's the problem? Well, I proved to myself, my boss, and the company that I can do it. But you know what? I don't like to do it! Every minute that I'm spending on an enrollment call, or a budget confernece call, is a minute I'm away from my true passion, which is working with teachers and students., I'm an educator, not a business manager.

All that, and I can't stand my boss either. She's unethical, dishonest, and patronistic. She knows I do a great job but never tells me. She takes every opportunity to point out even my smallest weaknesses, just to knock me down a notch and keep her head above mine. I can't stand it! So I started thinking...maybe it's time to move on. So little here and a little there, I started looking for other job opportunities. I began posting my resume on some of the on-line job search sites, being very careful to select the option that only allows people to look at your resume if you've sent it to them. I sent one here, one there, and figured I'd see what happened...

Then I went on vacation. And on my way out of town I got two calls about jobs. One didn't interest me, the other I set up an interview for when I got back. [Is this story getting too long?] I went away (more detail will be my next entry) and had the most relaxing vacation ever. It literally transformed me! By the time I got back, I knew I couldn't keep my job. Being away made me realize how miserable I really was at work, because I absolutely dreaded the thought of going back and spent three days in a slight depression. I went to the interview and expect to get an offer (not sure if I want it), got a couple of more really promising calls, and stopped in to see some friends that left my company and started their own school. They were SO HAPPY! I just knew even more that I needed to get out...

So on Tuesday, my assistant principal gave two weeks and resigned to move back to NY. And as I told my boss that she was leaving I said, "it gets worse." After she asked why, I simply said, "I'm not coming back next year." It gave me great satisfaction to say with sincere honesty, "I'm just not happy. It's not because anything specific happened, I don't have another job yet, and it's not the money. You could offer to double my salary and I wouldn't stay." I told her that the last day of the school year would be my last day, but if an opportunity too good to pass up came along, I would give her professional courtesy of two weeks...

And just like that, I stood up feeling 3 inches taller, like a giant weight was lifted off my back, and I walked away. I've felt nothing short of giddy ever since. And you know what? I had an interview today, I have one next Tuesday via phone, and another in person on Wednesday. It felt good to jump off a cliff. A little scary not having someplace to land, but feeling parachuted by my dignity, my ethics, and a kick-ass resume! Something else will come through, and I think I'll even have choices to pick from...

This morning I woke up and saw someone in the mirror that I recognized. It was an educator I once knew. Someone who always loved her job and felt good about herself and what she does... and she was smiling.

Music on TV

2006-03-11T12:23:00.000-05:00

It's been a busy week...haven't had time/energy to blog. But man, I knew what my next entry was going to be as soon as I saw a commercial earlier this week while watching TV before bed one night...

the absolute destruction of music by the advertising industry.

Let me explain...

I normally poke fun of my husband for incessant channel surfing during the commercial breaks while we're watching TV. He can't sit for 5 seconds if his show has gone to break. Me, I'm not so bothered. I get a drink or a snack, go to the bathroom, check my email. No big deal. So the other night, he's out with my son at Baseball, and I have the TV and the remote to myself. I'm watching Two and Half Men, and it fades to commercial break. OMG! I start hearing the GoGo's We Got the Beat, and while I was a little bouncy in my seat (yes I was just the right age to LOVE the GoGo's), I heard it. The new rendition, thanks to the advertising firm hired by Pizza Hut/the Pepsi Company, was...are you ready?...maybe you heard it already..."We Got the MEAT!" Can you believe this? Not only did it sound ridiculous, but how about the connotation of a phrase like that? I almost flipped. I couldn't believe I was home alone, because I had no one to laugh with! It felt like it was a joke. I didn't even catch what the promotion was for, I imagine it's for a pizza with a lot of meat on/in it, but I couldn't believe it...it just sounded so ridiculous.

Of course Pepsi is not the first company to destroy a song. Set aside whether you have any issues with artists selling their music for advertising, because that's a whole other issue. But what about what the ad firms are doing to the music? Have you heard an Applebee's commercial int he last year or so. Holy cow, so long "golden oldies," hello "wasn't that a real song a long time ago?" How about the music industry worrying about the demise of their tunes rather than kids downloading songs from the web. At least they're interested in the real deal.

Anyway, I started this rant a week ago, and still can't seem to finish. So in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, "that's all I got to say about that..."

Yes, Doctor

2006-03-06T17:17:00.000-05:00

I finally took the plunge last night. Which proverbial "plunge" would I be referring to? Well, not the obvious ones. I finally got together the guts last night, to do something I've wanted to do and have been talking about doing for over a year now. I applied to the doctoral program at a local university, and I a currently under consideration. I'm hoping to start this summer. My mom always said I could be a doctor; I just don't think this was what she had in mind. No shame however, she is very proud of me and always has been. I would be the first doctor in mine or my husband's immediate families (I've got an Uncle whose an ENT, another who is a dentist, and an aunt who has a PhD in something...probably bitchiness. Did I just say that?).

I would become an Ed.D. A Doctor of Education. Wow, it sounds pretty neat doesn't it? I have some mixed feelings about it. One of the not so good feelings involves increasing my neverending debt to pay for more school. Another is the need for "the paper on wall." You see, as much as I'd like to think my intelligence and my professional accomplishments thus far can carry me through life, the truth is...we know this isn't so.

Here's the upside. I would have "the paper on the wall." With this paper, I would gain a certain respect in my field that would allow me to live out some of my professional/life's aspirations with a little more credibility, and therefore a little more ease. But here's the best part...hold on...you're about to think I'm a dork (if you don't think so already). I get to go to school again. I get to learn about the latest theory and research, and I get to conduct research. A few years back this would have frightened me; now it's exciting to me! Ya see, I love the field of education. I love developing new programs, reading about what's out there and what's working, trying to find solutions for what's not.

The field of education is so often overshadowed by the negative (especially in FL). All we hear about are the teachers who want more pay (even though they deserve it), the programs that are overcrowded and underfunded (even though they are), the low test scores, the lack of this, the poor performance in that. We have teachers having inappropriate relationships with their students, we have ineffective programs for students with disabilities.

But what you rarely hear about are the successes: the child who finally cracked the sound-symbol relationship code and learned to read, the child who never could express herself until she realized how beautifully she could write, the child who learned how to interact appropriately with his peers after role-playing with his classmates and his teacher. I love education! I've been a part of these mini-miracles in the past, and I'd like to create an arena for more of them to happen everyday. It is for this that I strive to be an education doctor. Not for the paper, not for the "respect," not for my mom, but for the kids. They are my passion, they are my reason for going to work everyday, they are the reason for and the source of my learning everyday! And I must admit...it too is for me. I love being an educator. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel that I'm a part of the big picture. It makes me feel like my contribution to the world and my society is purposeful.

So I'm off again. To absorb in the world of knowledge, and perhaps to contribute some of my own. Loans and all it will be worth the trip. It already is.

Birthday Blog

2006-03-05T10:14:00.000-05:00

A great big giant HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend in Oregon. Thirty-three years ago I was trying to kick my way out of my mom's belly, while one of my best friends was seeing the light of day for the first time! Today is Header's birthday. Stop by and wish her a happy birthday!

A Pen

2006-03-03T21:23:00.000-05:00

"She broke up with me...I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen."
Lloyd Dobbler

How can you not love Say Anything, and how can you not love John Cusack? It's on tonight, and I'm watching it. Again. One of the many memorable lines from a memorable 80's movie.

Right now he's doing the tour of the spots of their relationship...ending with the dudes in the parking lot. Priceless, I love it.

Tired

2006-03-03T18:46:00.000-05:00

I am so tired today...

Got me thinking about this article I read once, not too long ago. It was all about the way we speak about sleep these days. People treat a lack of sleep as though it's something to brag about. You all know that guy (or girl) at the office that can't wait to tell you that they don't know how they made it to work today cuz they only slept 3 hours last night. When did this become chic? I know people around me do it all the time. College kids are famous for it.

Let me be the voice of reason...being tired SUCKS! I hate not sleeping enough. I hate not sleeping well. For goodness sake, few things are more valuable to me than a good 10 hour sleep. Something I don't get very often, but would love to brag about. I'd have a vim in my step, my skin would look better, I'd be more productive, and perhaps I'd be a little nicer and a little more patient.

So here it is...my contribution to the web survey set. Your responses will not yield a cute little title or summary of your personality, but rather provide some insight to the sleeping habits of America. It may also provide some late night reading for those who continue to avoid the temptation of a goodnight sleep, or due to insomnia may be unable to get one at all. Post your link here and put your responses on your blog if you wish.

1. On average, how many hours of sleep do you get a night?
7-7 1/2 but usually not straight through

2. Do you sleep more during the week or on the weekend?
weekend

3. Do you sleep better alone or with someone else?
someone else...my husband

4. How do you prefer to fall asleep? Quiet? TV? Music?
sometimes to soft jazz, sometimes to silence

5. Do you think you get enough sleep?
no, definitely not

6. Do you ever find yourself announcing how little sleep you have had?
yes

7. If yes to number 6, why do you think you do that?
I'm not sure, as I've said here. Perhaps it's to excuse myself from being brain dead or in cloud when I'm tired.

8. What's the longest you've gone without sleep?
about 48 hours

9. What stupid, crazy, wild thing (if any) did you do as a result of being tired?
pretty much forgotten an entire day

10. If you were REALLY tired, but your partner wanted to be intimate, would you choose intimacy or sleep?
ouch...honestly...probably sleep (shhh don't tell)

Sweet Dreams!

Personal Day

2006-03-02T11:13:00.000-05:00

Terminology, word games...it's interesting the names we come up for things. The company I work for used to call the excused absences they give you (other than vacation)"sick days". Afterall, that's what the days are for. They are so you can stay home with pay if you, your child, or someone in your care is "sick." Recently, they have gone to calling them "personal days." This I guess implies that there are times when we really can't help but miss work, but no one is "sick." Unfortunately, some of my employees think that means they can take time off of work to go play, take long weekends, or just pretend they're sick.

Before you call me insensitive, let me throw out there that we are a school. There is an understanding right away when you go into education, that you'll spend most of your life over-working, being underpaid, and possibly unappreciated by most of the people you serve. Consider that a given. I am not in anyway approving the insanely low teacher salaries where I work, or anywhere. This is about time, not money. All that aside, the teachers (not me, I'm a 12 month employee) get 2 weeks off for Winter Break, 1 week off for Spring Break, 2 days off for Thanksgiving, and a sprinkling of one day holidays throughout the year, often creating long weekends. All of this time is well deserved, but it is time off. Then they have an option to work or not work over the summer. If they choose to work summer, they make additional money. If they don't, they can elect to have their contract paid out over the 10 months they're in school, or stretched out over a full 12 months, thereby making their weekly pay slightly lower, but insuring income over the summer regardless of how they spend their summer.

So in addition to all of that, they get personal days...5 of them. A few of my teachers work no matter what. Even when I tell them to go home because they don't feel well, they stick it out. This is pretty much the way I am too, and while I respect the level of committment, it is not necessary. Easier said than done! These are the teachers that schedule their doctor appointments on their long weekends and outside school hours. They're (sometimes overly)committed to their jobs and feel strongly about not letting their students and colleagues down.

Then there's the party non-stop set. They go out and drink and play around town all weekend (as they are totally entitled to), and then use every single one of their "personal days" for illness that I'm inclined to think is a hangover about 75% of the time. These teachers often use up their allotted days and by third quarter when the flu that circulated the school hits them, need to take additional days off without pay.

Most of my teachers fall somewhere inbetween. I've got some that ususally don't miss work, but feel entitled to their days. So by the second half of the year they're looking for reasons to be out so they can "get the time [they] deserve." I've got some that really use them as they should. Their children get that same flu bug, or a doctor needs to run a test and will only see patients at certain times. While these feel annoying at the time, they are real "personal" reasons to be out and are excused without exception.

So this begs the question...should we take personal days just because we're entitled to them, or should we only take them if we need them? I know what the HR people in my company would say, but what do you think? I'm not sure how I feel about it. I am a very hard worker, my work ethic is such that I have a difficult time missing work as I am today.* Some of that is just a little type A in me (I'm a little bit obsessive). But I gave up over a week of "use it or lose it" vacation time last year. Not because I wanted to, but because the timing never seemed right (nor did the money). That was time I was "entitled" to. But I was going to get paid for that time regardless, and taking off so I could sit around the house, or drive around town with nowhere to go just to leave my staff down one person, just didn't feel right. I didn't use all my personal days either. But what if I did and had gotten sick? Or what if my son got sick? If I had just taken those days just to take them, then they wouldn't have been there when I needed them.

I'm curious fellow bloggers...what do you think?

*I'm off today because my husband's grandmother passed away and we're heading out to the funeral a little later. This of course is a "bereavement day" which is a whole other catgory. For this, they decide how many paid days off you get based on your relationship to the deceased...corporate America I tell you.

Inside Pandora's Box...

2006-02-28T18:47:00.000-05:00

My dad tipped me off to a website that his best friend Larry tipped him off to. It's music related of course. I'm from a whole line of music enthusiasts... check out Newwavegurly, she's my sister. I'm not quite as consumed by my love for music as she is (she's a self professed music snob!), but I love music too. I love it in the way that it always needs to be on, even if it's just in the background. Usually if I've caught onto something new, it's by accident or by NWG's recommendation. It's not that I don't like new music, it's that it's harder for me to get into than it is for her. I'm not as apt to just turn on something new. I'm a classic rock and roll chick most of the time. So I was only thrilled at what I found...

It took me a couple weeks to get to the site, as I knew it was something I'd want to spend a little time looking over. Well what a find! Call me a simpleton, but this is a good one. Maybe you've heard of it. It's called Pandora. It's very cool. Besides the fact that you can create your own commercial free "radio stations," the way you create them is fascinating to me! You must read about it... rather than by band or by genre, the Music Genome Project has analyzed music by musical traits and as you enter information it thinks for you and chooses songs that you may like based on similar traits. Best part about it is hearing new music that you may never have even considered, many of them in a completely different genre. In all this you create stations as you go, and you can add any songs from any of the stations to "your favorites."

It's quite ingenious. And by the way, there is no downloading and provided that you don't mind an ad popping up every now and then (I've been on for over an hour and have only gotten 1 so far), it's free. You can of course, like many others, pay for an upgrade of competely ad-free use. All in all, it's really great- I highly recommend you try it out...

Happy, easy listening to all.

Stolen Moments

2006-02-27T18:57:00.000-05:00

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.
Any fool can do it; there ain't nothing to it.
-James Taylor

I love being a wife and a mom...as you may have read in my post from the weekend. As my friends and family, and past readers know, I'm also the principal of a school. I work long hours in heals and a suit, and there's now something really nice about Monday and Wednesday evenings in my house. My seven-year-old son started playing baseball! My Assistant Principal stays late (we have an after school program as well), and on these two days, I get to bail at 4ish, fly home, shed the suit, fix a quick dinner, and send the boys off to baseball! Hence, my stolen moments.

My son has finally reached the age at which Dad can take over some of the activities. He doesn't need or beg mommy to be there all the time. I know eventually I'll wish for it back, but for now...I get 1 1/2 hours to do as I please! I can run an errand, bake, read, go to the gym, watch TV (anything I want), or play on the computer. This is a rarety in my house, and as much as I love the time I get with my family, I like the quiet time too. You see, I guess I'm sort of a typical "supermom" type and I work a lot and spend a lot of time doing for others. It's nice to have this time to myself for a change, and I still get to go to the baseball games on Saturday mornings!

So here I am blogging, Wednesday I think I'll go to a Pilates class at the gym! Ahh, sweet precious time.

A Bed for All Seasons?

2006-02-26T18:55:00.000-05:00

Okay, let me preface this by saying that if you're one of those people whose house is featured on the cover of a magazine, or you're an interior designer, I'm not really looking for a response from you here (no disrespect)...

So it's almost March and as you look through stores, magazines, and catalogs, you see that the retail world is getting ready for spring. The rest of us are trying, and our success is dependent upon various factors, including the weather where we live. So the bright colors and pastels with flowers are starting to spread across the windows and the pages. It actually makes me feel good.

You see, normally I'm an earthy girl. I love browns and greens and some tans and mustardy yellows. Occasionally, I like an accent with some dark blue or ruby jewel tones, but mostly I am a neutrals, earthy girl. Strangely enough, my favorite color is blue. But when it comes to decorating, it doesn't strike me as much. This time of the year however, is when I start to feel inspired. The bright blues and greens of spring decor make me want to go out and buy a new comforter and pillows and accessories. Which leads me to my question...do people really change their whole rooms for the season?

I ask because if I came back from the store with brand new bedding, my husband would think I'm nuts. Not because he's controlling with money, but because he'd really think I'm nuts. "Why do we need that?" he would say. After all, he still doesn't get why we need pillows with pretty shams just to decorate the bed and be removed before we go to sleep!

True Love

2006-02-26T09:58:00.000-05:00

When I talk to people, read about, or hear about relationships, I always need to take a step back. It seems people are often comiserating about the downsides of their relationships, sharing the excitement of new relationships, or trying to fugure out the intricacies of their current relationships. Then there's me...I feel lost. You see, apparently I live in a somewhat stable world... marriage. Before I go on, let me share a little relationship history:

My husband and I met one summer while we were in high school. We spent every waking moment together that summer, became "steady" and then dated through the rest of HS. I was 16 and he was 18.

About a year later, he went off to college and I cried in my sister's lap for 24 hours because I still had a year left of HS. He went to NC for school and we pretty much kept it together.

Next year I leave for college at U Miami and he goes back to NC. It sucked, he was already over the whole freshman college thing and I was just getting started. The next year to year and half was pretty rough...but still we kept it together.

By the end of my sophomore year, he dropped out and moved home to go to community college and be close to home. He wasn't very close with his family, so being far from me kept him pretty isolated. We were and still are very close. Our relationship did something for him that only people who know us could truly understand. Having not as much to do with me and it does with us, and how it was when we were together. Without coming out and saying it, his family blamed me for him coming home. He blew off college for a relationship. What they neglect to realize is that they were the ones who sent him away unwillingly. He never wanted to go there in the first place. Not because of me, but because born and raised here, he never felt the need to leave Florida...still doesn't. Somehow, we still kept it together.

My junior and senior year, my home relationships and my college world collided when my husband stayed home and became part of my college social scene. It was actually pretty cool because a lot of my friends were dating exclusively and/or living with their boyfriends and it gave us a "couples group" to hang out with.

From there, any past secrets were revealed, we experienced a near-death car accident together, and we continued to get only closer with the passage of time. By April of my senior year, he proposed knowing full well he wouldn't have to sweat it out over my answer. It wasn't a story book/soap opera proposal, it was "here it is (the ring), will you marry me?" Of course I said yes and showed off the ring and called everyone I knew. No one was surprised, not even my parents.

The next month I graduated and we moved to Orlando where we worked and began building a life while planning our January wedding on the bay in Miami. January 1996 we had what seemed like the most perfect wedding. All of our loved ones-friends and family- and beautiful weather while we exchanged vows outside during sunset on Biscayne Bay. Honest to G-d with no reservation, I was never more sure about anything in my life than I was to say I do.

Since then...we've experienced many ups and downs like extreme financial strain, career changes and choices, family crises and disagreements. But also making up, learning to understand each other, professional success, good jobs, our own business, and of course in 1998- the birth of our pride and joy...our son. We're still keeping it together.

Why do I share this history? It seems like I rarely have anyone to relate to in this matter. My life is just kind of normal. It's definitely not perfect. My husband has his flaws as do I. We argue, we bicker, we disagree. But we also talk, share, and communicate. I am very happy to be married. With whatever flaws my husband may have, I do know this...he truly loves me and I do him, I can trust him as he can me, and we are honestly and truly still in love. The only downside to a happy mariage is that it will never be new again. No more first kisses, or "is he gonna call?" nerves, or "he called!" giddiness. Here is where we are challenged to find new ways to express our affection for one another by breaking old habits, recognizing different things about eachother, and growing individually so that we may contribute to the evolution of our relationship. The newness is found in "I'm pregnant," "Happy 10th Anniversary," and "Wow! 40 lbs... you look sexier than the day I married you."

You see sometimes the newness is found in one that you've known so long that only he could see a change or recognize something different like a weight loss, a haircut, or a smile that only he knows means something really great happened today. I guess we trade newness for comfort and security and lasting love.

I guess what my husband and I share just makes me lucky...I only wish this true love in the life of everyone else I love.

A New Start

2006-02-24T21:23:00.000-05:00

After not blogging for months, I decided to re-enter the blogosphere and start anew. For those of you who used to visit my old blog, thanks for coming back. I'm turning over a new leaf here. I'm going with a more earthy look, it suits me better. And although I may share a story or thought about work from time to time, I'm leaving my job/profession on the back burner.

I don't think I'm going to take any particular direction; I think I'll just fly by the seat of my pants. In the professional world (okay, maybe personally too), I'm kinda type A. Here, I'm gonna go without a plan. Just random thoughts, ramblings, stories, and tidbits...possibly a recipe from time to time- I love to cook!

Hope you stop by often and share your thoughts too!